by Steve “Tuna” Tornovish
It seems that Hollywood is incapable of an original thought these days. A quick review of the new movies out in theaters right now shows that the majority of new releases are, well, recycled. For example, a new Aliens movie has just been released. The original came out in 1979, the year I graduated high school. Aside from the fact that the once perky Sigourney Weaver would now most likely be using a walker to escape from the slimy alien, I’m thinking that 45 or so years would have been plenty of time to conjure up some new concepts.
The bigwigs out on the left coast have surmised that it’s easier and cheaper to get butts into theater seats if the onscreen product is already familiar to the ticket-buying public. Less risk, more reward, greater profits, right? Thus, we are flooded with recycled twisters, minions, wolverines, Godzillas, and such. They’ve already foisted about a dozen Sharknados on us. The Rocky series was drawn out to maybe eight movies. Well, I figure that if I can’t beat them, I might as well join them. Thus, here’s my pitch for the 2024 remake of The Goonies, appropriately titled Revenge of the Goonies.
Our modern-day Goonies were introduced you in the June 13th edition of Yesterday’s Island/Today’s Nantucket (pro tip: go to yesterdaysisland.com and search for Steve Tuna – the article is titled Stand By Me). I had received tips from my fellow fishing guide Tammy King and from my brother, Bill, that there was a group of local kids, all around 13 years of age, who were riding their bikes out to various fishing spots around the island. I eventually met up with them and was completely impressed by their love of fishing, as well as the tight bonds they had for their friends.
So here’s my pitch: Imagine the camera fading in on a madman ranting on the beaches of Great Point, screaming, “We’ve got to get more junior anglers submitting fish in the August Blues fishing tournament! Don’t they know that kids under 17 can enter for free? Have they a clue about the awesome fishing gear that will be awarded to the Junior Division winners?”
Enter the madman’s long-suffering brother. Let’s call him “Billy.” Billy once again does his level best to calm the madman down: “Relax, Steve Tuna – I have an idea. Why don’t you get in touch with the Goonies again and take them out for a night of fishing? It will be a blast and who knows— they might put some bluefish on the beach and thus be entered into the competition. Hit their parents up, and let’s get this booked!”
Brother Bill was right on the money. The Goonies parents, all strong supporters of their kids and their love of fishing, were right on it. A plan was formulated and this sequel was green-lighted for filming on August 14.
At 5:00 pm that Wednesday, the parking lot of the Wauwinet Gatehouse was filled with two fishing-ready Ford F-150 pickup trucks, a bunch of Goonies, and their parents. Greg McKechnie, father of Goonies team member Beau McKechnie, agreed to come along with us on the new adventure. The full Goonies squad was assembled: Beau, Weylin Mooney, Oliver Sullivan, Camden Carson, Lucas Miskinis, and Rojus Rascius. Rojus had been missing from my first meeting with the Goonies, but his fellow Goonies all stated that Rojus was the best fisher amongst them. It was time for us to see his skills. We loaded up and rolled out, ready for anything.
Greg traveled out with me, along with Beau and Camden. The kids sat in the back, doing their best to ignore the old guys up front who talked about fishing, the island, and the challenges of raising kids these days. Brother Bill had the remaining four Goonies with him.
We drove down the eastern (outside) edge of the Great Point peninsula, looking for any signs that the elusive bluefish might be around—slicks, diving birds, jumping baitfish, and such. Nothing. We continued all the way to the turnaround point near the Galls (btw, can we PLEASE open Great Point fully? Please??? The nesting birds have long since attended their fledgling’s graduation from flight school, I’m sure!). There were a half-dozen trucks and a similar amount of fishers casting away. We pulled up.
“I just caught a bonito a couple of minutes ago. Got sealed, though!” My buddy Tommy Small stood closest to the fence. He used a very Nantuckety verb to describe the outcome of his fishing situation. To “be sealed” means that the fish that you worked hard to catch had been stolen by a 500 lb. thieving sea mammal, along with your lure, leader, line, and sanity. Grrrrrrrr!
We turned our platoon of Goonies loose on the unsuspecting public, with loud orders to spread out and stay away from the other fishers. Yeah, that didn’t go so well… As I repaired a fishing rod tangle, I could hear Greg and Billy moving Goonies away from poor Tommy. It was quite a scene.
Greg, Billy, and I finally got the kids spread out and away from the other fishers. We used this as a teachable moment about beach fishing etiquette. I’m hoping that our lectures sunk in!
The boys casted away as we three adults mentored them. Oliver soon had a world-class tangle. “I’m using 60 lb. test on my reel. This is the rod my dad and I use for shark fishing.” That explained everything. Oliver needed to use much lighter gear for the job we were doing. Billy assisted him, giving Oliver the rod that Billy had been using and taking Oliver’s birds-nest reel back to the truck for repairs.
“I’m on!” Rojus, as advertised, had been casting well and was now rewarded with a bonito. The thieving seal was still in our area, however, and wasted no time. He pilfered the bonito that Rojus had worked so hard for. I took Rojus’ fishing rod from him and broke off the line, reminding myself not to use bad words in front of the Goonies.
We three adults conferred and quickly agreed that there was no sense in trying to get fish past the greedy seals. We herded up our Goonies and moved a mile or so back down the beach. We stopped near Porta-potty 1, a well-known Great Point landmark. It was time for the final scene of this sequel, the dramatic cumulative battle: man vs. beast…good vs. evil…and any other tired movie cliché that might fit. Hey, we’re over-budget, so wrap this up already!
Billy got the kids spread out. Greg and I tried to keep their confidence from waning. The Goonies were fading a little bit. After all, they hadn’t really eaten anything in about an hour, right? Billy managed to send a shock of adrenaline through the Goonies squad by hooking and catching a bluefish. Wow, those bluefish have been fairly elusive this season! The Goonies fished harder.
“We bring the BOOM! That’s what we doooooo!” Beau McKechnie, always the loudest of the Goonies, kept this chant going as he fished. He would stick a quick, “Got one!” in the middle, loving the reaction from the rest of us. I gave Camden Carson permission to give Beau a noogie if he continued.
The sun was dropping in a spectacular sunset. Time was running out. The cinematic tension was building. Would any of the kids catch a fish before we had to depart for our scheduled 7:30 return? C’mon, now: what kind of movie would end without the good guys winning?
“Lucas has a fish! He’s on!” I looked up, half expecting to see that Beau was crying wolf again. Nope, Lucas Miskinis was definitely hooked up! He handled the fish perfectly, and just like that we had our Hollywood ending. Billy took over the duties of getting Lucas’ catch measured and photographed on the tape measure for submission to the August Blues tournament. It was great to see, let me tell ya!
We had about five more minutes to fish. Lucas got back to his spot and hooked a second fish. “He’s catching that same fish again,” cried his Goonie friends. This fish successfully spat the hook, however. It was time for us to load up and head back.
I asked Brother Bill what the conversation was like in his truck on the return trip. He said it went something like this:
How many fishing rods do you think that you and Steve own?
Answer: Maybe 100.
What’s the biggest striped bass you’ve caught this year?
Answer: 37 inches long.
Do you have a boat? Why don’t you fish from the boat?
Answer: It’s tough to get time enough to do it all!
When should we fish tomorrow at Point O’ Breakers (a popular Goonies fishing spot due to accessibility)?
Answer: 10:00 am to about noon will be the right tide.
And the most important question that the Goonies asked: When can we do this again? Somewhere in Hollywood, a fat-cat movie producer is greenlighting a sequel to the sequel.
Great job, Goonies! Keep fishing. And keep bringing the BOOM! Stay tuned for t he next installment!
Steve “Tuna” Tornovish is a Nantucket native who has spent his life fishing from the beaches of his beloved island. He loves to introduce clients to the joy of fishing with his Nantucket Island Fishing Adventures: stevetuna.com
